Plus, this blog title's incorrect grammar has always bothered me ;)
You can now find me posting a little bit of this and a little bit of that over at
Our Lovely Days.
Hope to see you there!
I did it.
I picked up the phone and made an appointment to see a fertility dr.
I wanted so very much to somehow avoid this emotional loop de loop, but that was not meant to be.
Almost as soon as Nora was born, lurking in the corner was the fact that we would someday be confronted with this issue again. My husband and I talked about trying almost immediately. But, I just could not. Could not take the chance that this time, nature would laugh right at me, and bless me immediately with what I wanted for so long.
When Nora turned one, my head was ready, but my heart was not. Each and every time it came down to it, I balked. I tend to think of myself as a pretty strong person, but, I was not ready to face another string of negatives. All the disappointment. The trying so very hard to keep your emotions in check, only to have your hopes inevitable rise. Sigh.
Finally, after a few more months passed, I realized that I really want another baby. Want him or her enough to go through whatever it is that awaits us this time around.
We gave it a while on our own. But, my belly is still empty.
I am hoping a new doctor will have new insights, new solutions, new hope.
And, so it begins. again.
Well, that's not entirely true. You see, I did step away from long hours sitting at a desk, tethered to a computer, when I left my job. But, I found that in my new state of footloose and fancy freeness I needed a phone. So, I did the only sensible thing and got an iPhone. It's a handy little thing. And, what I love about it above all else is its camera. And instagram. It is good. So very good.
So, thanks to my phone, here's a peek of my little lady since June. She is quite something.
Oh, and we're trying to have another one.
It's not off to a great start.
Of course, this is much easier to say than to do. Change can be scary. And I was scared of this change.
But when it is the right change, you find the courage.
I have decided to leave my current job to start on a new adventure. I have been working towards this change for a while now. And I could not be more excited.
I am reposting my very first post on that website because it says much better there what I am trying to say here:
"Part of the magic of childhood is that anything is possible. You can dream dreams as high as the sky and there is nothing to stop you from reaching them. At least, that was my very fortunate experience. But like many dreamers, I have stayed safely tethered to the ground by some tugging of obligation and security to take a more conventional career path.
I like my chosen profession, I do. But, since the birth of my daughter, it has become very clear to me that I do not love it. Having a child has caused me to reevaluate a lot about my life and how I spend my time. I realized that I need to do what I love and not settle for something that is just okay. I have also discovered a real love of photography. Of capturing that quiet moment. That sweet smile. That perfectly imperfect thing that is life. It is both exciting and daunting to go about trying to live life on my own terms. Fortunately, I have heaps of encouragement and support from that same family that is inspiring me to make these changes."
So, if you have a spare moment, please come on over and take a peak.
My baby is ONE this Sunday.
It was easily the most difficult and most incredible year of my life.
Time seemed to both creep and fly at the same time.
My heart burst open daily.
Second, being back at work is not going that well. I know that it's early, but it is hard. Nora's been sick almost constantly since starting daycare. Then, the second week back, I found out that I'm going to be on a case that is basically going to *own* my life for the next six months. I think I was sort of living in denial about the work life balance and then reality set in. or crashed down. The hardest part was the first night that I didn't see my babe at all. And because of this case, I know there are going to be more days like that one. many. I basically turned into a puddle of tears when I got out of the car. I still have no balance. at all. sometimes I don't even have weekends.
Third, can I really blame my baby for being unable to remember ANYTHING anymore. It doesn't really feel fair, but . . . I've driven into work with her carseat, knowing that my husband needed it to take her to a doctors appointment. Without fail, EVERYDAY, I forget some piece of my pump. Be it a storage cap, a flange, the power cord. And just last week, after being on a conference call and making it through seven hours (yup, you read that right) and two pumping sessions just fine, just minutes before the call wraps my co-worker says "someone might want to mute their phone as there are STRANGE NOISES."
Don't really know how to wrap up the. longest. post. ever.
except to say that motherhood is many, many things and one of them is hard.
and it's good to be honest.
Nora wanted to wish you a very bright and merry holiday season. And there's nothing that says happy holidays more than a nekid babe!!
Time is flying by as this kid is just about six months old. SIX months!!! And I am surely biased, but this is an amazing little baby - she's rolling, sitting for a bit before the inevitable topple, holding her own bottle, giggling (oh, how I love the giggling), eating all manner of fruits and veggies, completely enamoured with our two pups, just the bees knees really.
I only wish that we got to spend more time together (damn you career) and well, that maybe she didn't have so many diaper leaks (damn you sweet potatoes).
Though the wheels continue to turn on alternative employment possibilities . . .
So thank you.
I was hoping that I could impose on you once again . . .
I'm in the process of putting together a bit of a playlist to get me through labor and those first couple of sleepless weeks. A sort of soothing soundtrack for both me and the babe.
I could really use your help.
If you have any suggestions for songs I would welcome them with open arms!
Normally, it wouldn't bother me - there is always tomorrow.
but this bun is just about done baking and the behindedness is weighing on me.
I realize this feeling is mostly due to the fact that I have a mental list of *things to get done* that just keeps growing regardless of how many items get accomplished.
I'm going to have to just accept that we're never really going to be ready for our new arrival and that is alright.
We have gotten heaps done though like:
craigslist and replace it with the absolutely amazing edlund poster bed from ikea
*Beginning the process of taming our jungle backyard
Oh, and at week 36 (I'm behind on the belly shots) the dilation and effacing has begun. Though, I'm convinced that I'll still be puttering about very much pregnant at week 41.
Slowly, but surely we are making progress on where our babe will lay down her head. There was a time before I actually got pregnant, back when was blissfully ignorant to just how long it would take, when I used to day dream about decorating the nursery. I scouted blogs and magazines, stockpiling images and ideas. So many ideas. And then with each negative month after month, my hope faded, as did my enthusiasm for infant interior design.
A few weeks ago, and more than halfway through this pregnancy, I finally felt comfortable enough to get excited again.
This is really happening.
We bought a crib and then a dresser. Last weekend, my husband painted the walls. It's certainly still a work in progress, but I know at the end it's going to be such a perfect space.To help bring that space together, I've been sourcing some art.
(the most precious baby animal prints from sharon montrose)
(an amazing mobile from Flensted)
(a beatiful print from Rifle Paper Co. I bought thank yous in the same design to use after my shower and asked if I could get the design in a larger format for the nursery. Indeed I could)